Welcome to My Mind

From
Photo Credit: Daniele Levis Pelusi from Unsplash

Welcome, I created this blog as an exercise of sorts. I may seem normal to the casual observer. However, there is a mire of tangled thoughts, quirks, and memories along with an ever-present fog of anxiety that is often invisible on the surface. I have been long ignoring most of what's below the surface, but I am now going to try to start untangling. You are welcome to read along, and if any of it is helpful or makes you feel less alone in your journey, then it was all worth it.

Popular posts from this blog

Word of the....year: Executive Dysfunction

From
 Executive Dysfunction This is the term for when you have a task to do, and you see this need, and you may know the steps you need to take, and it's not like you don't know how- but you just. can't. start. Once or two instances of this happening isn't necessarily going to be the worst thing, but when it keeps happening and the mental to-do starts avalanching on top of you... it becomes hard to do anything. By itself it isn't a diagnosis (according to my understanding #not a professional, just a random person), but it is a symptom that can be brought to the issues party by things like depression, anxiety, and cptsd, among a whole host of others.  Personally, my mental critic is so harsh that I normally keep on top of school in an anxiety fueled obsessive way. However, executive dysfunction starts to show up with things like doing the dishes, household chores, feeding myself/ self care in general, actually giving myself a break from the obsessive school mindset to do ...
Read more

These memories are mine

From
Image
Hello! Guest post—but I'll let the content be its own introduction.  Of course, there are “good” memories. Times when the little girl who didn’t understand who he was—or anyone was—felt cared for. What is my responsibility in regard to those memories? I am not interested in constructing a fictional person in memory, when I know the acts that offered interest or kindness were structured by someone else. He would never have thought to sit and read a child a chapter book without having been directly told to. He would never have apologized for berating her to tears, were he not instructed to. The acts that seem to represent some positive portion of our experience together don’t really have any relation to the will of the person who left. But, they do have value as times I practiced feeling as though I could rely on someone, without connection to that missing person as an individual. With the insight of years gone past, it’s become clear those times were mistaken, but they were still pr...
Read more

Sleep Paralysis

From
 So there is a phenomenon that sounds like some weird Grimm tale and utterly ridiculous unless you happen to experience it, in which case you may try your hardest to forget.  I am not working on my fiction writing- I am just talking about sleep paralysis. I have heard some friends jokingly call it their sleep paralysis demon, because it's like your dreams project themselves into your awake life for a couple of minutes until the brain wakes all the way up and the brain system that keeps you paralyzed, so you don't act out your dreams, turns off. The demon idea comes in because during those truly terrible 60-120 seconds your sleep brain has free reign and for some of us tends to project the feeling and visuals of a malevolent presence beside you. Just think of it like if Pokemon Go hated you and was made of your nightmares (no big right?). A lazy internet search suggests that around 20% of the population has this, and I have been told it can be made worse by stress and bad sleep...
Read more